tellittoreadersdigest:

one of my friends noticed a mosquito had landed on his bicep so he flexed and the rush of blood to his biceps muscle filled up the mosquito so much it exploded and to this day it’s one of the most badass things I’ve ever heard

(via g-iggle)

izzyjohnston:

izzyjohnston:

OMG I GOT A CARD FROM DOMINO’S SAYING I WAS ONE OF THE CLIENTS WHO MOST ORDERED PIZZA IN 2012 THEY’RE GIVING ME A FREE PIZZA FOR THAT I’M DYING IT HAS MY NAME WRITTEN WITH A GLITTERY PEN AND EVERYTHING OMG I’M DYING OMG

i’ve just realized that it is my biggest achievement of the year

(via blown-away-by-you)

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

one time i saw someone skipping rocks and eating a sandwich along the beach and idk he just tossed his sandwich in the water and bit the rock and he just stiffened a bit but i saw him dying inside after realizing what had just happened

(via g-iggle)

zooeyclairedeschanel:

yes my thighs touch and so do the rest of my legs and also my feet in fact my whole bottom half is in one piece i am a mermaid

(via g-iggle)

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

“Super Smash Bros before Super Smash Hoes” luigi tearfully tells himself while chugging a bottle of beer. he’s been left out ever since peach and mario started dating

(via fartgallery)

cockringtoss:

why isn’t a group of kangaroos called a kangacrew

(via g-iggle)

hetaculture:

ask-cosplay-lovina:

romanorgasm:

seborgasm:

would-your-panties-drop-if-i:

tangoingwithmango:

thisrealityhere:

gingerrlocks:

riflesandroadhouses:

joshfransexyy:

butthurtbandboys:

australia gets christmas before america

but american gets freedom before everyone

but canada gets maple syrup before everyone

but hungarians open gifts on the 24th

but freedom

kangaroos

REINDEERS

eight fucking days of presents

gets paid for going to school.

pasta

Did we just witness a World Meeting?

(Source: spankmeniall, via meowbeastwriggler)